Dear mustache,

Where do you roam?

Your children are starving,

And your bed is made of foam.

 

Prepackaged Viper Moisteners

Thanks for the viper, scumbags.

[Former editor's note: I am not a scumbag.]

[Editor's note: Yes, he was.]

Decorations on a Front Door

What is this 

signage?

Do I look like

I need a reminder

of what day this is?

My heart is not on fire, I said.

My art . . . my art is on fire.

I lit the whole shed and doused

it in gasoline.

The invitation wilted,

But was received nonetheless.

A quiet burden lifted,

And no one's weightless.

What It Has Come To

My wife called up her girlfriend
whose name is Trixie Chix.
Said sixty-nine is fun and fine
but let's six ninety-six.
I'll be the middleman!
I said
for double dixie trix!
No way, said they,
down on the ground
and give us lixty lix.

Fort Gnox

"What is this all about?"  Somebody will say.  What good is a question that doesn't mean anything?

Pragmatists!  That's all we've got left in this world, no wonder we're all accustomed to living in the boredome.

Shit for you, I say you're just whining about being boredumb.  Extreme sports, you were expecting?  Only in your mind.  More exhilaration in the act of clipping your toenails, once you've tried both.

There are seven shit lists in the Universe and guess what.  Six are blank and the seventh has the name of every person who has ever lived, in alphabetical order.

And so on.

Whunderlust

I might be Jesus on the hill
Should you worship me?
Well no I am terrible,
What a terrible Spill
I caused.

YOU want to sit here?
Sit on the wagon.
Talk on about sitting,
What could be more
boring than these
lines about sitting?

What about if you're Jesus
and you're a good one,
but one I can actually
find, in the real world.

No, look!  I see you back there!
It's Satan, you trickster.
Satan come out,

Constipated

It is terrible

To know what to say,

But not know how

It's going to come out.

When it's all done,
Will you be the one
left holding the mop?