"I will not be like your Voyager.
I will bark past the moon.
Robots betray faster than humans.
Heal faster, too."
So I'm a bad dog, "Bad Dog!" Because of some old woman and her flea-infested
schnauzer, and worst of all that so-called robot poet ninja of a meatpie Hightower, I'm
stuck out here in this pod in the Oort cloud. You know what they call it? Hell on Ice
they call it, and you don't send your dog there, even when he's a bad dog, BAD!
Yeah, I vaproized that old lady's schnauzer with an ion gun in Chula Vista, so what?
He was a bad dog if anything, and she was an obnoxious old witch and I'm glad I bit off
a chunk of her achilles tendon and spat it in the street. She had it coming to her,
parading that furball down the sidewalk smelling like that, no leash or anything, and
he just jumps all over me like it's party time.
Hey Hightower, is this the thanks I get? Stuck in this tiny pod, reading the same copy
of Plato's Godmatism for the last half century, eating chemically reconstituted bacon
"recycled" from my own turds? I can't take it any more! I'm broadcasting in the clear
for shit sake, you know how dangerous that is?
What about that time I pulled you from the metal claw of that goid, just a split second
before it skewered you through the neck? You knew I saved you that time but did you
even know there were 665 more goids in the bed of the pickup? Yeah, you always thought
you'd have done fine without me but there's no way you'd have escaped those! I used
high-speed microlitigation on them, I hand-picked every juror-every one a bot under my
control. I had the goids banned, deactivated, then I pushed them all over the tailgate
onto I-5. And you just driving along oblivious like "whoopity-doo!"
Well, I've had enough. I'm turning my metabolism down to 0.1% and going to sleep, and
I had better wake up on Earth, or so help me I'll sell your location to the goids. Hell, I'll give it to 'em for free.
Good night to a Bad Owner,
Skax
1 comment:
Ingrate.
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